Marriage In Hebrews 13:4-5

Marriage: A Holy Hand Grenade Against Holy Matrimony (Just Kidding, Kinda)

Marriage is an institution that has been both praised as a heavenly haven and mocked as a ball and chain since, well, forever. But before we dive into the usual sappy sonnets or snarky stand-up routines, let’s crack open Hebrews 13:4-5 and see what it has to say about this whole “two-become-one” shebang.

First off, it throws down the gauntlet: marriage is honourable, yo! Not just for some, not just for the lucky ones who snag the perfect unicorn spouse, but for everyone. This ain’t a competition for the cutest couple or the longest Instagram bio. It’s a dance of two souls, a messy, magnificent tango of love, support, and yes, even the occasional perfectly-timed fart (because let’s be real, that’s true intimacy). 🙈🙈

Now, about that “undefiled bed” business. No, it’s not about keeping your sheets pristine (although that’s always appreciated, honey). It’s about respecting the sacred space you’ve created, the covenant you’ve made. No room for infidelity here, folks(nikusikie na mpango wa kando, msheeew!). It’s not just a betrayal of your partner, it’s a cosmic whoopie cushion to the whole concept of commitment.

But wait, there’s more! The passage then tackles the ever-present gremlin of greed, that pesky “love of money” that can turn a marriage into a battleground for the remote and the last slice of Ingokho. It’s a gentle reminder to keep your eyes on the prize, folks. It’s not about the McMansion or the matching cars, it’s about the laughter shared over burnt barbecue, the whispered secrets under a starlit sky(or under the blue-gum bushes of Emanyulia). Be content with what you have, because trust me, true love is richer than any diamond ring (and way less likely to accidentally drop into the pit latrines of Navakholo).

And finally, the grand finale: “I will never leave you or forsake you.” Boom! Mic drop, wapi nduru weweeee!!. This ain’t just a line from a cheesy Hallmark movie, it’s a promise from the Big Guy Himuselefu. Even when the honeymoon phase fades and the dishes pile up, even when you trip over each other’s quirks and stub your toes on your own expectations, remember this: you’re in this together. And guess what? You’ve got the ultimate backup, the cosmic cheerleader who won’t leave until the final curtain call. The big Fella on high.

So, there you have it, folks. Marriage: not a walk in the park, but a hilarious, heart-warming, and occasionally hair-pulling adventure with the person who knows how to make you laugh even when you’re crying (and vice versa 😏😏). Embrace its messiness, cherish its sanctity, and remember, even when you’re tempted to throw a holy hand grenade at your spouse’s annoying habits (figuratively speaking, of course!), that you’re not alone. You’ve got God on your side, and maybe, just maybe, that’s enough to make it work. Now go forth, lovebirds, and make that marriage bed undefiled (unless it’s part of the tango, then by all means, make it a wild ride 🤪🤪).

P.S. Don’t forget to laugh. Seriously, laughter is the duct tape that holds this whole marriage thing together. Laugh at your quirks, laugh at your fights, laugh at those THPPTPHTPHPHHPH disgusting farts under the blanket, laugh until you snort milk out your nose. Because honestly, what’s life without a little bit of snort-worthy laughter, especially with the person who knows exactly how to make you do it?

Happy and prosperous 2024 from the biggest writing clown in town.